Initially, I did give quite a bit of thought to what I was going to blog about today. I’ve recently been rekindling my old love for the anime Naruto, and since watching it post-degree, there were quite a few things I quite wanted to talk about in relation to that, and the kind of themes and things that I was picking up on. Then, on Saturday, we drove to pick up my sister from university, and the kind of effects that’s had on me has kind of taken a precedent on what I wanted to blog about. As, my blog tends to be a place where I vent my feelings, and discuss issues with my life, and how I’m dealing with them.
Eventually, my sister won out. Mainly due to some of the things that have happened over the last couple of hours that made me want to share what I’m thinking, and just put my life out there. Naruto can wait for next week.
My sister and I have always been very close, in particular since I moved away first, and was at first getting used to living on my own, and having to deal with all that. My sister would come and visit my regularly, and she was the one person who at times, I felt was the only person I could really confide in, and when I was personally having trouble understanding what people wanted from me, or why people got upset at some of the things I had said.
As strange as it sounds to some people, I truly rely on my sister to guide me through the most difficult moments of my life, because I know I can trust her to give me good advise, and to not let me get really bad. Though my sister is younger than me, and people say I come across more mature, my sister is someone who knows how to deal with people, and that is something that I don’t know how to deal with. Put my in front of a computer, or stick me in front of a problem, and I’ll deal with it fine. I’m potentially one of the only people in my household that enjoys organising my bank statements, or organising all of my letters and my bookcase (which, I have now got 120 books on display, and a further 400 in storage (thankfully, none of it leads to an odd number, so I can sleep easy in my room)).
So, my sister started university last September, and the dynamic of our relationship changed. My sister started to make new friends, and experience a lot more new things, and as a result, she’s not been as quick to help me. The familiarity of the relationship that I held with her has changed, and she doesn’t enjoy the same things that I do anymore. Or, as my mum puts it ‘she just has her own life now, and she doesn’t hold the same interests as you.’ Which is true, as I did always have trouble explaining why certain things meant so much to me, and why I just can’t let things go as easy as her. My sister has just become a more outgoing person, and someone who now as life experience, and has probably realised for the first time, that our relationship is probably different to most sisters, and that I am not the typical human being in terms of social interaction… Because, according to my sister, normal people don’t go around quoting Shakespearean sonnets in normal conversation, and analysing people’s speech patterns, and generally overthinking what people are saying to me (mainly because, I’m trying to figure out whether they are being funny, or being serious, because I can’t tell…)
Since picking her up on Saturday, things have been slightly awkward with my sister, I have tried to get back into old speech habits that we had last summer, but it is not the same. She is not as interested as I am in rewatching TV series, or getting excited about Colin Morgan with me (whom, might I add, I have a lot to be excited for).
I’ll just try and paint the picture of what my typical day with my sister would be like last summer. I would wake up about 7.30-8, and text her to wake up, because I didn’t want to be loud and potentially wake everyone else up, then I would go for a smoke, and she would come out. Then, we would just sit in each other’s company, and watch TV, read books, go on twitter, and talk about what we were getting excited to do over the coming weeks, drink tea. It wasn’t much, but it was an easy familiarity that I had with my sister where I knew what to expect, and I knew what we were doing. We would always sit in our conservatory, and basically not move for the rest of the day.
Since she’s come home this summer, things have changed. It might be a bit premature to say things like this, and I’ll probably do an update in a couple of weeks, but she has become more distant with me, and she doesn’t want to do things with me, and just generally is very short tempered, and thinks everyone thinks too highly of me (this is something she said to me earlier this evening when I asked her if she wanted to come back into the kitchen with me to sit down and watch TV).
I’m hoping that this will calm down over the next couple of days, as I do want my sister back. Mam thinks she’s just missing her boyfriend, and that I am the first person she will take it out on because she knows I won’t stand up for myself, and that I was always the first person she came to at home too.
But here’s to hoping.
I hope everyone’s had a great week.
Thanks for reading.
P.S. Sorry for a really long and rambling post, it’s kind of just rambled…